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Are You Happy Now?

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Hi, it's already 2021 and I think I don't have time to write something here because I'm too enjoying my life. As you can see my blog, I often come here when I was down and need to release the pain inside my chest. I did that since 2011 lol. I really think that 2020 was amazing for me personally. I changed a lot, in some aspect, like see things differently, accept all the flaws in me and people around me. I realized that life isn't fair, so instead of mourning and sad every single day I should change my perspective. 

Quarantine Life Kim pt 1

It's been a while and I think I don't have motivation to write something here except for telling my sad story lol. I think I'm just too lazy to write because I have to think quite deeper and sometimes it's kinda tiring.  It's already 2020 and I never think time can runs this fast. I can remember it feels like yesterday I wrote about 30 days challenge but turns out it's already 5 years. That day when I stressed out being a full time jobless person and now I can't barely manage my time because I kinda enjoy working overtime.

My Heart Hurts

I remember how it feels like the first time I realized I fell in love with this person. I never expect everything turns out like this. I was so lonely I really need someone to talk. I feel so depressed and I can't rely myself on me. I need someone to share to talk to.  Then he came into my life, I don't know what's his intention but time goes by we continuously fill each other time. But I realized I'm not that important in his life. I keep denial and think that everything is okay, I think I love him. I can literally having mental breakdown every time he abandoned me, even though I know it's because his family, or he's thinking his future or or he met his favorite girl that he dreamed of, I don't know. I pretend I don't know, when actually I know I'm not worth his time. 

Sad Hour Kim Dita

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I've been busy working and too lazy spare my time to write something. Like I told before I've become and ARMY and that's what I'm doing most of the time except working. Since BTS being the only reason for me to be happy and less worry and decrease my anxiety, I quite shocked that BTS can made this awful heartbreak. I literally crying when I found out I didn't get their encore ticket, I can't focus on my work that day and I feel that life isn't fair. Maybe people who read this think I over dramatic but it's real. Why I cry a lot because it's my only chances to see Epiphany live.  I feel like my serotonin decreasing so significant because one other thing that can make me happy suddenly disappeared too. This been my worst week for this year. Because of what happened to me recently I believe that loving something too much can caused pain as deep as the love itself. You know that it's quite hard to heal a very deep wound maybe need stitches a

I Thought I Love Myself Pt. 2

Tulisan ini bisa ada karena andil salah satu temen gue. Yak, gue habis dimarahin sama dia karena gue ga sayang sama diri gue sendiri. Gue ga pernah sadar sama apa yang gue lakuin selama ini, ya gue anggepnya hal biasa. Jadi masalahnya adalah, sama kaya di postingan gue sebelumnya kalau gue itu selalu bersikeras bikin semua orang happy instead of make myself happy. Gue mengesampingkan diri gue ga apa-apa asal orang sekitar gue happy. Setiap gue diminta melakukan hal yang menurut temen gue baik buat gue, gue selalu nolak dengan alesan "kasian dia" dan dengan tegas dia ngomong ke gue "lu ga kasian sama diri lu sendiri?". Disaat itu gue mikir, gue gapernah kepikiran sampe situ, gue gapernah mikir kasian sama diri gue karena yang selalu ada di kepala gue gimana ga bikin orang sekitar gue orang yang gue peduliin itu ga kecewa. Ya bahasa gampangnya "gpp lah gue yg ngalah asal lo seneng". Tapi karena hal itu beberapa hari ini gue kepikiran, kenapa gue ga sayang s

I Thought I Love Myself

I always thought that I already love myself until something bad happen to me couple days ago. My friends said that all of the problem in my life actually not a problem because the problem itself comes from myself. Yeah, I always blame myself, depend my happiness to others, afraid to be alone, never see the positive side of me, and sometimes comparing myself to others. The will to make everyone happy is one of the worst thing that happen in my life. I've tried so hard to change my perspective that we can't make everyone happy or ourself be the one who's left unhappy. But still I can't do it. Sometimes I hate myself for being like this and it's like I did all my best but still has the same ends.

Me Being an ARMY ?

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Setelah sekian lama ga bisa meluangkan waktu buat posting di blog, kali ini gue coba bikin satu postingan sambil nunggu gue ngantuk. Kali ini gue mau bahas soal Korea atau K-Pop dan gue yang tiba-tiba disebut Army. Mungkin kalian tau kalau beberapa tahun terakhir memang Korean Wave jadi populer di Indonesia, dan dari jaman masih sekolah gue ga terlalu tertarik dengan ke-Koreaan karena ya kurang suka aja. Terlebih lagi di drama cowo-cowo terlihat sangat romantis dan personil boyband yang gue liat dandannya kok gitu banget. Gue dulu suka banget ngeledekin temen gue yang suka K-Pop dan bingung sendiri kok temen gue bisa bedain personilnya yang saat itu gue ngeliatnya mukanya kaya sama semua ._.